Beyond Compare (The Beyond Series Book 4) Read online

  “You can be chief banana masher and dish washer extraordinaire.”

  “Deal. Will your kitchen be big enough to accommodate me in banana-smash gorilla mode? Because if I’ll only get in your way, I don’t know if that’s very helpful.”

  “It’ll be fine. You’ll see,” I soothe, unlocking the outer door for him and then punching in the code for the second one. “Welcome to my city home.”

  Returning my smile, he follows me upstairs. One quick tour later, we’re getting down to business in the kitchen. I’ve noticed that while he is polite and friendly in his greetings of my roommates, Lennox has become quiet again - notably so when someone passes through the kitchen.

  “So what’s that about?” I ask as I mix the batter and wait for him to add the first lot of mashed banana.

  “Hmm?”

  Mixing in the other ingredients, I watch him, because I could make these cakes in my sleep and not get it wrong. “You’re back to grunts and mono-syllabic responses. Are you shy?”

  His cheeks color slightly. “Maybe,” he agrees. “Or choosy.”

  “Choosy?”

  “I’m not in the habit of inviting people into my life. I have a daughter to protect. I’m not interested in temporary connections, so I take my time making permanent ones. Kimber deserves stability. You understand that. Look at you and your siblings.”

  Nodding, I split the double mixture between two cake tins. “Makes sense.” Setting the pans aside, I pull out two more and check if the oven is up to temperature yet.

  “I was going to suggest we make the cakes at my place, but you’ve got a much better setup here. I don’t think we even have a second cake pan,” he says as I begin measuring out another double batch from our bulk-sized ingredients.

  “The joys of cooking for a dozen,” I say with a smile. “It actually does make some things easier. Come on and help by measuring out the flour while I cream the butter and sugar.” Giggling a little at his expression, I nudge the huge container of flour towards him. “You can’t go wrong with it. This recipe doesn’t even ask for baking powder.”

  “That doesn’t seem to make a difference in my case,” he says, still looking skeptical.

  Moving next to him, I put a measuring cup in his hand and guide it through the flour. Scraping it flat with the back of a knife, I hand the knife to him. “Just like that, Trees-are-green,” I tease, dusting the tip of his nose with flour.

  “Watch it, Katarina Sophia James,” he mutters, paying careful attention to his measuring. “I may not be very good at working with these ingredients, but I can definitely make a mess with them if I’m challenged.”

  “Are you threatening to cover my kitchen in flour? Because I will make you clean that ever-loving mess up, Mister.”

  Chuckling, he shakes his head. “With cleaned-up language like that, it’s hard to believe the things you say to me in the dark.”

  My face threatens a full flush, but I just shrug. “You too, whoopsie-daisies.”

  “Hmpf.” Finishing with his last cup of flour, he tosses it into the bowl and comes for me. Spinning me into his arms, his lips meet mine hungrily as his hands find my ass and he tugs me forward so my hips align with his.

  “Are you making the love cake?” Natalia says on her way past.

  Lennox stops kissing me to follow her out of the kitchen with his eyes. “Was that a joke?” he asks, still eying the doorway she disappeared through without any further statement or even eye-contact.

  “Yeah. It’s hard to tell sometimes because she doesn’t deliver the usual social cues or emotion with it, but yeah, she was joking.”

  “Asperger’s?”

  “Estonian. Apparently it’s almost bad manners to express yourself too openly. She’s actually pretty funny if you watch out for it.”

  “Huh,” he says, frowning at his large bowl of flour. Pushing it towards me, he seems to distrust it.

  “You did good, Trees. Why don’t you get some pizza before you get hangry? And nab me a slice while you’re at it.”

  “I’m not getting hangry,” he says defensively. “But I am hungry, so I will do as you ask.”

  Returning with two slices on a plate, he folds one inward and holds it up so I can take a bite and keep mixing.

  “Are you going to dance early?” he asks, watching my mouth, “And can I watch and then come back here with you afterward?”

  “To make the love cake?” I ask with a teasing smile.

  “Mm,” he agrees, his eyes lingering on my chest.

  Looking down, I can see my nipples pointing at him through my tank top as if straining towards him. The idea of dancing for Lennox Green sends a thrill through me, and the afterward part will be most welcome. “I’d like that.”

  “I can tell,” he says, wetting his lips and clearing his throat as he moves his eyes elsewhere. “So. Good pizza.”

  “Mm. Benji doesn’t cook. Pizza is his contribution to the dinner roster.”

  “So you travel to Italy for dinner regularly then,” Lennox says with a smile.

  “Yes. Often,” I correct with a giggle. “And thank you again for the trip to Thailand last night. It was delicious. You claim to be a failed baker, but you definitely make up for it as a cook.”

  “Where else would you like to go? I probably can’t take you there for a few years yet, but I’ll enjoy sharing the tastes with you until we get there.”

  Feeling my cheeks warm at the thought of traveling the world with Lennox Green, I keep my eyes low. “I love French cuisine, but I’m not fancy. I’ll happily eat anywhere you want to take me. My friend Violet swears by hotdogs in the park, and that sounds just as good to me as beef wellington, or sushi, or even baguettes beneath the Eiffel Tower; so long as you’re there.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, holding up my pizza for me again. “Do you need to do anything special before you dance?”

  “Shower, hair and makeup,” I reply, covering my mouth to keep my half-chewed pizza from grossing him out. Swallowing, I fill the next two pans with cake mix and put them all into the huge oven to bake at once. Setting the timer, I turn back to him as his eyes are rising from my ass.

  “You can wait up here while I shower, and down in the club until I dance,” I suggest as my cheeks heat again. “I’ll go on first, so we can get back to baking and you can get home at a reasonable hour. You’re really not bothered that I have to dance?”

  Shaking his head, he cocks it to one side. “Are you?”

  I shake my head too. “Dancing is my guilty pleasure.”

  “You do look like you enjoy it,” he says, his eyes glazing a little. “It’s as if you need it to make sense of your feelings.”

  Stepping in front of him, I lean in and brush his lips with mine. “You are a very perceptive man, Lennox Green.”

  “Mm,” he agrees, pulling me back to his lips and deepening the kiss.

  “Shower’s free Kat,” Teeny says on her way past in her robe.

  Acknowledging I’ve heard by making something in between a grunt and a moan, I pull away from Lennox and touch my fingers to my swollen lips. “You have got to stop touching me before a show.”

  Sighing, he nods his understanding.

  “Don’t look so glum. I’m happy for you to come with me to the shower.”

  His face brightens, but I hold up a finger. “Only if you can keep your fantastic mouth to yourself. And your hands,” I add, thinking about it more.

  Remaining quiet, Lennox considers the proposal as his eyes trawl my body. Appearing torn, he tucks his hands into his armpits as he folds his arms in an apparent attempt to restrain himself.

  Standing on tiptoe, I whisper into his ear as I run my hand up his thigh. “I can still touch you, and you can still touch yourself.”

  Lennox hoists me off the floor and carries me down the hall towards the bathroom.

  The shower is very rewarding for one of us, but my needs are left largely unfulfilled. I explain to Lennox that this is more than okay,
as I fend off his advances to even up the score. By explaining that it’ll only enhance my dancing, I manage to convince him to wait until afterward if he must give me pleasure. To which he replies that he indeed must, and covers me up with my robe as quickly as possible before pulling his own clothes back on.

  Taking the cakes from the oven, I accompany Lennox downstairs and leave him under Nate’s supervision at the bar, while I head backstage to the dressing room.

  “What are you opening with Angel?” Alexa asks as she searches the racks of costumes.

  I didn’t choose the name Angel. Nina bestowed it upon me, and whenever I bring up changing it, everyone poo-poos me whilst claiming it’s the perfect name. Knowing myself better than they do, I obviously disagree - I am no angel. Nina says I may not always feel like one, but that in case I hadn’t realized, to many people, I am one; and that it’s a better name than Clitoria Jean, or Dazzle Tits, so just shush already.

  “I was thinking The Incognito,” I reply, pulling out the short navy trench-coat from the other side of the rack. “With a dash of How’s the Weather?” I add, taking up the bright raspberry umbrella and holding up the two so she can see.

  Chuckling at the names I’ve just made up, she tosses me a tiny black negligee. “Make sure you’ve got Fun in the Sun under that raincoat,” she says with a grin.

  “Well I’ll have the sunglasses from The Incognito already. Do I really need more?” I joke, taking the lacy black scrap of fabric and shimmying into it.

  “That man-bear is going to eat you alive when he drags you back to his cave,” Reeni says, fighting her smile as she leans toward the mirrors to apply her lipstick.

  “You’re one to talk,” I reply, nodding at the skimpy piece of turquoise lace keeping her ample bosom ‘concealed’. “Still teasing old Money-bags with your fun-bags?”

  Reeni gives them a jiggle. “You know it Angel.”

  “Do you like the guy?” Scar asks, studying Ireeni closely.

  “No!” Reeni denies - a little too quickly. We all look to her, wanting the truth. “I like his money.”

  “You hate money,” Teeny says, inching closer on her chair. “You call it the root of all evil.”

  “Because it is,” Reeni argues, “That’s a fact. Doesn’t mean I don’t like taking it from assholes and giving it to someone who deserves it more. I’m like a modern day Robin Hood, bitches.”

  We’re all still giggling about that as Smith’s voice comes over the speaker in his sexy dulcet tones.

  “Holy Smokes!” I grumble, pulling on my trench-coat and covering my hair with a mustard-colored silk scarf. Donning the sunglasses and strapping on my black stilettos, I grab the umbrella and rush to the stage as Smith introduces Angel and my music begins to play.

  As the curtain rises, I move about the stage pretending I’m someone else. Someone free. The girl I want to be. Hidden behind my costume, I can express those dark and selfish thoughts of not having kids, and a house, and a secret, shameful past. On stage I can embrace the things I’ve felt shame for. I can be the girl who wants Lennox Green to fuck her hard and dirty.

  Using the umbrella to mask my movements, I tease the audience with a peek of leg here and a glimpse of ass there. Staying hidden, I remove the coat and toss it away to the sound of applause. I kick up my sexy heels and again move the umbrella around to offer just a taste of what my body wants, by the movement of my hips, or the tilting and rolling back of my head. Running through what I’ve loved about my times with Lennox, I try to tease him with what I know he liked, and what I think he might like to try. He does seem curious as to the extent of my flexibility...

  As my music nears its end, I reach beyond the umbrella as if feeling for rain, then I close it and throw it off-stage through my legs. Dancing however I please - which basically means doing whatever I think will drive Lennox crazy, I pull the short lacy slip over my head, collecting the scarf and glasses along the way, and toss all of them aside as I do my final, multiple-pirouette spin in just my thong as the curtain begins to lower.

  “ThunderKat?!”

  Dread halts me mid-spin. Covering my breasts, I rush from the stage before the curtain is even halfway down.

  Shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck!

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “Are you kidding me right now?” Andy roars at Bruno, clearly not realizing that Bruno could crush him with one thumb if he so desires. Bruno’s gaze flicks to me as I squeeze past him and into the street where he has Andy blocked from coming back inside.

  “Kat. Thank God,” Andy says, pulling me into his arms. “What the hell were you doing on stage? Tim said you worked behind the bar!”

  “I do,” I reply, working myself free of his arms and looking to Lennox behind me.

  What a fucking pickle.

  Meeting Andy’s eyes I frown. “We need to talk. You can’t let Tim and the girls know about this,” I warn, though he doesn’t seem to be taking it in. Glancing between me, Bruno and Lennox, his gaze falls on me again.

  “Are they making you do this?” he asks, gesturing to the two large men at my back. “Are you in some sort of trouble? Kat talk to me. I can help.”

  “It’s nice of you to offer, but she isn’t in need of any help, are you Katarina?” Lennox says quietly.

  I shake my head, trying to find my own words. I need to make sure Andy keeps my secret.

  “Are you shaking your head because he just told you to?” Andy asks, shifting his glare to Lennox. “You were at the store. Who are you? Her pimp?”

  “Now hold on there buddy,” Bruno says, placing himself in front of Andy as Lennox emits a low growl. His whole body tenses and he almost seems to grow a few inches taller.

  Bruno addresses Andy over his shoulder. “I don’t think you understand the situation.”

  “Lennox?” I place my hand on his rigid arm. “Will you please wait upstairs? I need to talk to Andy - Drew for a bit.”

  Raising his eyes from my hand on his bunched muscle, Lennox searches my face, nods once and takes a step back. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

  Not sure at all, I nod my head anyway.

  “I’ll see that he makes it upstairs,” Bruno says in my ear as they move away - which I take to mean as: I’ll see that he makes it up and then stand guard on the door so you don’t have to worry about this fool Andy getting his head accidentally ripped off.

  Nodding gratefully, I turn to Andy and gesture down the street towards The Watering Hole. “We need to talk.”

  His response is as forceful as his frown. “Agreed.”

  Sitting across the booth from him, I watch as Andy downs his bourbon the moment Mags sets it in front of him. “Another,” he says, quickly adding a please before Mags retreats. His eyes raise to mine again and I sip my water, trying to keep calm.

  “I didn’t mean for you to see that.”

  “That what?” he presses. “Dancing naked on stage for money? Or the two giant men breathing down your neck? Do they make you do more than dancing?” he asks, paling significantly as he says it.

  “Nobody makes me do anything. I dance because I want to, and I earn good money. Money I need to take care of the kids.”

  “There are other ways to earn money, Kat.”

  I stare at him blankly. “Really? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve tried. Not a lot of high-paying jobs out there for high school dropouts with an interest in dance. I didn’t have a lot of choices, but I like dancing, I’m treated well, and the kids are growing up just great.” Another thought hits me. “When did you start talking to Tim? You cannot let him know about this.”

  “I called Tim, when I realized you weren’t going to contact me. He encouraged me to track you down. The stripping... Is this why you were acting strange and ran away yesterday? Why don’t you want us to know, Kat? Because it’s disgusting?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “You thought my dancing was disgusting?”

  With cheeks becoming quite pink, Andy thanks Mags for his next bourbon and sips it inst
ead of answering.

  “Didn’t think so,” I muse.

  Andy bites back, “I think the lies are disgusting, Kat.”

  “Well the lying doesn’t sit well with me either, but it is what it is. Sometimes you have to guard the ones you love from the truth.”

  His eyes sparkle a bit at the mention of the word love, but it quickly fades to something else; something less pleasant. “If you needed help, you should have asked.”

  “I couldn’t ask.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because...” I trail off, because I can’t actually destroy this man’s family. If I tell him how his dad warned me off and then created the circumstances of my worst moment, he’ll be devastated. He and his dad are like best friends, and I am insignificant in the matter. No good can come from my confession.

  Andy takes my hand in both of his. “You can tell me, ThunderKat. I know I was gone a while, but I thought about you all the time. Not once did I imagine your life could get so low.” The look of regret and pity in his eyes is enough to turn my stomach, but his hands clasp over mine in some prayer-like plea. “I can’t apologize enough for not being around when you needed me. I feel awful. But I’m here for you now, if you’ll let me.”

  Carefully taking my hand back, I sip my water.

  “I actually don’t need saving. I’m happy with my choices,” I tell him, feeling the decision solidify in my gut. “I’ve done a damn good job on my own, even if it didn’t feel like it when times were bad. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell the kids about my dancing. What we have going really works for us. When it doesn’t, I’ll change things to suit. As their provider, that’s my job; not yours.”

  Finding my confidence building, I continue. “I don’t lie to them because I’m ashamed. I lie because I don’t want them to feel guilty - because like you, I think they’d have a hard time understanding that I enjoy dancing naked for money. It’s been nice seeing you again. I know the kids loved having you home again after all these years. You were so present in our lives before you left that you were like their brother too. I’m sorry you had to find out about all this, and I can see that you’re really disappointed in me, so I’m going to go home now. I have a dozen cakes to bake by tomorrow.”